Letter to Newlyweds free essay sample

Letter to Newlyweds Rosemarie Velez Com200: Interpersonal Communication Prof. Megan Pope March 25, 2013 Dear Newlyweds, It has come to my attention that you have been seeking advice to keep the love alive throughout your marriage. I may say I am no expert but my research has given me the advantage to help you out. As a couple you should practice ways to keep your marriage alive; managing interpersonal conflicts, learning the importance of listening, and learning how to intact your emotions and speak to one another is what will help you understand one another. I will section these main points for you so that you will understand more. Managing interpersonal conflicts The reason being that it is important to manage interpersonal conflicts is because you want to make sure that issues are being resolved, you never want to have a disagreement about something and never come to a common ground in the situation it will only cause tension and make things worse. We will write a custom essay sample on Letter to Newlyweds or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page Based on a website I have found that gives relationship advice, it is said, â€Å"People have varying degrees of comfort with conflict. Some prefer avoiding it at all costs. Unfortunately, those costs tend to increase the longer issues are left unaddressed. Therefore, learning how to manage and resolve conflict is to your benefit†. (Life Tips, 2013). From this statement it is clear that there are couples who put very serious issues in the back burner and when that occurs the issue becomes long term. That is why you must learn how to manage your conflicts and instead or yelling at each other it is best that you speak calmly. Something else that involves managing your interpersonal conflicts includes understanding the other person. â€Å"Attempt to understand the other persons point of view. Dismissing the others views, assigning blame, and exclusive focus on your own perspective are all counterproductive. † (Life Tips, 2013) When communicating with your partner about something it is clear that your feelings are not the only thing that matters. You must be able to put your views aside and listen and try to understand why your partner feels the way they feel. Being understanding is a step to making things better because once you both understand the others point of view than you can come together as one and have a common ground on the issue. Develop strategies for active, critical, and empathic listening When communicating with your partner is listening, not hearing, listening. Some partners say that they are listening when they really aren’t. When talking things out paying attention to what your partner is saying or how they are feeling is important. The reason why it is so important because when you are not listening to your partner it becomes an issue. â€Å"One of the most neglected interpersonal communication skills, and a core competence we must master to be an effective communicator, is listening. You cannot understand others, respond appropriately to what they say, and provide helpful feedback if you have not listened†. (Sole, 2011) This is a statement that completely backs up to what I just said. Listening is a big factor in communication in a marriage or in any relationship in that matter. You have to give one hundred percent to keep that relationship healthy. Listening is the act of hearing and interpreting the message being conveyed from another person. Many couples get together and stop listening to one another. All they do is hear. Hearing is not enough if a couple wants to remain together. (Diggs, Angela, 2009) In this statement that is found in an article that was posted on Helium. com Diggs stated four reasons why listening is important and they were; keeps relationships together, helps develop intimacy in connection, shows respect and healing to relationships. I hope that these four reasons why listening is important can help you two to always listen to one another. Emotional intelligence and its role in effective interpersonal relationships Being able to control your emotions in an effective interpersonal relationship means controlling that moment where information is given that must be clear with emotions not getting out of control. An example I have found on cbtrecovery. com states, â€Å" · In relationships: Don’t let hurts and problems build up. Examples? How can you prevent problems from getting worse? Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming. End hopeless relationships. † Being that you two are newlyweds your marriage is fresh everything is perfect. From what I have heard from people that are married things change over time; kids are made, a house is bought, things become more stressful and both of you will have new responsibility that you both have to take care of together as a team. I know that as women we can get very emotional about everything and as a man emotions will not be shown because it is ignored. So as a husband and wife you should learn how to intact your emotions so that it is shown but not shown too much. As a married couple you have to be able to communicate all the time even if it’s just talking about at favorite movie or the activity you did or even how work went. Doing that can help enhance your communication and if or when there is something that is bothering the other person it will be talked about. An example I have that may help you is my mom’s marriage. Her communication with her husband was very poor so when issues aroused it became very emotional for her because she took her time speaking about it. When that happens it can cause confusion it can even cause misunderstanding in the relationship which is not very good. My mom end up learning that and now she is separated. I always say communication is key to a healthy relationship and from the information I have given you so far it seems true; especially for marriage. This is a statement from a doctor and it explains the different emotional types of people. â€Å"In healthy, constructive relationships, it’s no secret that solid communication skills and the ability to process your emotions always take a front-row seat. But did you know that in the world of relationships, there are two different types of people? You’re either an emotionally responsible person or an emotionally dependent one. Emotional responsibility is very important in a healthy, satisfying relationship. It facilitates personal growth, as well as growth between you and your partner†. (Dr. Laura Berman) Recognize how words have the power to create and affect attitudes, behavior, and perception The way you speak to your partner and the way you act is a really big thing that causes issues in your relationship. If you and your partner are in a disagreement and one is yelling at the other it tends to cause an emotional imbalance within the person. Meaning that the emotions are going crazy to the point the person doesn’t understand why they are being yelled at. In my own experience I have had moments where as my partner would get upset about something and speak to me in a disrespectful manner and when I would try to speak to him to see what was wrong his body language and facial expression would show his aggravation. When that would happen my emotions would erupt and I would not understand what was going on that caused the situation to get worse because either we would ignore everything and it would build up or we would just argue and never fix things. It’s important that when you are talking with your partner that you are being respectful you are listening you are showing that you are listening instead of having wandering eyes. This can help your communication get better because you will know how to control the words you choose and learn how to have the write body language and facial expression. The words you choose can make your relationship a lot better, or at times, it can push your partner away from you forever. You may communicate well, share your dreams, respect your lover and even be great in bed, but the way you use the power of words could still affect your relationship on a subconscious level. † (Avdeeva, Natalia, 2012) This statement supports what I have stated. The proce ss by which self-concept is developed and maintained In your relationship there are things that you both have to do to be at peace with yourself. In marriage things can be perfect as a team but sometimes things aren’t always perfect within you. So that’s where self-concept comes in and I will give you examples of how it can be maintained. Self-concept is the way you look at yourself it’s a judgment that you have of yourself. If you look at yourself in a negative way it can cause your partner to look at you the same way. You want to always see and think of yourself in a positive way regardless of what. If you feel ugly and your partner finds you’re the most beautiful thing on earth than you believe it. The way you look, your self-esteem and self-worth all should be positive. I know for women our self-image can mean so much that will cause our self-esteem low but when being in a relationship you have to be positive about yourself that shows that you are confident in yourself in your marriage and a person that won’t let things ruin anything. â€Å"Developing a healthy self-concept takes deliberate planning and concentrated effort. It takes acknowledging your intrinsic value as a human being, and then working to acquire the skills needed to confront the many challenges and adversities we encounter in life. When you possess a healthy self-concept, nothing can rattle you, or take you off your stride. You are confident, poised, and assured because you know you are equipped to handle whatever comes your way. † (Essential Life Skills) A healthy self-concept includes knowing yourself, assessing your strengths and weaknesses as well as knowing your potential to do things. You should always love and accept who you are, be true to who you are and take responsibilities for the decisions you make. To maintain these healthy ways to self-concept is to be positive as I said before. It also helps to have positive people around you as well. That should be able to help you with who you are and how you view each other as one. Now don’t ever get discouraged if you have disagreements about something just remember the importance of interpersonal communication as a married couple. As newlyweds this is the time to get to know each other more, on a deeper level. The advice I have given you is to get you started and to continue to keep your marriage healthy and happy. Controlling your interpersonal conflicts, listening and understand each other, and speaking to each other the right way where emotions and being thought of is what is going to help you, not only as a married couple but as friends and as people. References http://relationship. lifetips. com/cat/64813/managing-conflict-in-relationships/index. html Sole, K. (2011). Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication. San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc. Schoenberg, N. (2011, January 17). Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in happy marriages. McClatchy-Tribune News Service. Retrieved from ProQuest http://www. drlauraberman. com/relationships/committed-love/emotional-responsibility